“You should be angry! You must not be bitter!
Obviously, we are not encouraging rage.
What does this mean to you?
Is it ok or not ok to be angry?
The above writing can be confusing for many of us.
Let’s understand Anger (one of our many emotions) with a twist. We are often criticized and disliked when we present our anger in a harmful way since childhood. We don’t show it, doesn’t mean we don’t feel it. Blaming others, feeling victimized, or turning anger to self, all are harmful presentations of avoiding to acknowledge the anger within. Avoiding the emotion of anger by going into a denial mode (it never happened, this is our family culture, this is the way it should work, etc., etc.) is fatal of all. You are now away from the reality of your own emotions.
I like what Maya Angelou suggested, “write it, talk it, dance it, paint it, vote it”, bake it…Whatever you do, don’t fake it. If you observe some very strong emotions to any particular method of outburst, make a conscious choice not to deny it. Denying is like hiding the unwanted-rejected linens that get shoved in the closet over and over again, so no one sees the holes and rags in it. One day reality hits and when we open the closet everything comes out and falls apart once at a time.
Learn to acknowledge it, clean it, and release it.
Easier said than done right? Clients often say, “How can we let go?” “Believe me, if I could I would!”, “But this is what we were taught!”, “If not these then what?”, “I will go empty, this is all I have”.
Do you know, HUMOUR is one of the ways of taking out bitterness, any “uncultured” emotion that was never allowed to come out. It begins by working as a defense mechanism and then converts into bullying. I was often asked, how come humor can be unhealthy. Well, if humor is meant to be fun then both the party involved are seen enjoying. If one is laughing at the cost of other’s humiliation then it’s not humor, it’s bullying.
6 basic human emotions: Joy, Sadness, Anger, Surprise, Disgust, and Fear
“Food for thought!!”
- Why are we so focused on achieving or expressing only one emotion “JOY”?Which emotion (color) represents you the most?
Why are other emotions considered to be failures?
What will you do to safely express emotions and what will you do to create a safe space for your loved ones or professional culture to safely express the emotions?
Straight from the heart: I am known to be a “filmy” personality, and so I used to think I am an expert in expressing all my emotions without any inhibitions. Later I realized that I was high on overconfidence and it was only scaring my loved ones. So yes, I was known to be angry, but I was bitter. Took lots of learning, therapies, well-wishing family & friends to understand what is happening. The real mirror for me was my students, their parents, and clients who trusted me in the process and we are still growing together. Places, where I take out my emotions safely, are, my husband, my core friends, writing blogs, getting educated, giving and receiving therapy, painting, self-care activities, using the waste to make best. Creating a safe place for everyone to express their emotions — “My room of Panchayat ”… and above all acknowledging “I am feeling ….”
— Panchayat with Parita.
Feel free to start “Panchayat” on emotions. Find your safe space and if you need help, book your appointment with the trusted therapist of your choice. Let the emotions flow…..
